[now a word or two]

words mean things

shoot your shot – the real reasons why women don’t approach men — August 31, 2015

shoot your shot – the real reasons why women don’t approach men

Shoot Your Shot Carleton Fresh Prince of Bel Air Basketball
Shoot. Your. Shot.

on any given day on the twitters, you’ll see this basketball (or i guess hockey and soccer) reference. encouraging people to shoot their shot. this is not people being cheerleaders, but is an encouragement to pursue the man/woman they are crushing on or find attractive.

the theory is trying to follow that old adage: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. that you can’t get the job, if you don’t apply. etc… usually the people giving this advice are the fellas, who have thrown up half-court shots their entire lives. they have perfected the lead-in, have it down to a science in figuring out the odds and all the other parameters for a successful shot.

women, on the other hand are terrible “shooters”. there are several reasons for this.

as i mentioned earlier, men have been working on their shot their entire lives. they are usually encouraged to do so from an early age (“sowing wild oats”). manhood is inextricably linked to how many women they successfully approach, so they play the numbers game to their advantage. the more you approach, the more likely for an actual yes. after all, all you need is 1 yes (we won’t mention those that want more than 1).

i laughed out loud
i laughed out loud

women on the other hand are socialized to sit and wait. we wait to be asked out. to be asked to go to the prom. to get married. assertive or aggressive women are frowned upon and usually labelled with the fast/easy brush. all the cases of women proposing to men are usually (and equally from both sexes) clowned. it is seen as the emasculation of men and taking gender roles and flipping them on their head. feminism is blamed for everything that is wrong with men-women relations.

put it this way – a person that wants to pursue acting or singing as a career, spends it going to auditions. they hone their craft and try to figure out ways to maximize their chances for a yes – but they also have figured out how to emotionally and mentally get past the rejections. you can’t wallow in the one that got away  – you’ll miss out on your future potential blessings.

this is not to say rejections from women don’t hurt men’s feelings – some of them might depending on the emotional attachment of course, but they’ve learned not to get embarrassed if that shot is an airball.

us on the other hand? we are chickens because we don’t have the practice. we also are very good at creating scenarios in our heads for why we should a) not approach in the first place or b) why he’s going to reject us (before it even happens) or c) did reject us (if we YOLO’d).

for me, if i see a dude that i find attractive, the last thing i’m doing is flirting with him (this is in real life, im a lot bolder in written form cuz.. #writer). why? because i assume that if i find him attractive – he’s already attached. so why bother right? (never mind that he could be single and i should probably find out.). i never said it was logical ok? #dontjudgeme.

the handful of times (and literally it’s been a handful) that i’ve approached a guy in real life (we’ll get to online dating in a second) – it didn’t end well. by end well, meaning me with his number, him with mine and a happily ever first date. what i’ve learned over the years by being a people watcher, is that it really is an animal kingdom out there. i believe that men can smell the aijustwannagetmarried on a woman. they can also smell the confidence level.

but what they can’t do is detect hints. women usually go the route of dropping what we believe to be are forthcoming in-their-face hints about our interest. we’ll find a way to be in your space, we’ll attempt to find a way to incorporate touch, we’ll have friendly-flirty banter but rarely overt and inappropriate (for we don’t want to be put into the ‘sex-only box that we can’t get out of.) that’s how women tend to shoot their shots.

throw the box

and it fails 9/10. lol. we just aren’t communicating in the way that men receive messages. think of all the mens mags – there’s nothing covert or subtle about it. all marketing for mens products is clear, concise and in-your-face. and it works.

like most, i will take more chances online. but ironically – i still end up with the same results. i found that most of the men i approached on a site like plenty of fish – rarely, if ever, got any replies. that was one of the reasons why i liked tinder when it first came out. you couldn’t communicate unless it was a mutual attraction. so no worrying if he came to your profile and read your message and thought you were fat or ugly – at the very least, the person who was aesthetically pleasing to you, this was also the case in reverse.

in the end – what’s a girl to do? we, as women aren’t going to change our style of play overnight. and frankly without seeing that it would be well-received, there’s no incentive to doing so either.

but like the old sayings at the top of this post said – you DO miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. so what if you shoot and miss? all you need is one.


what’s your word? ladies – do you approach the fellas? what’s your usual style? has it worked for you? fellas – do you like when women approach you? how do you turn her down? how do you handle rejection? sound off in the comments!

for the love of humanity — August 27, 2015

for the love of humanity

404 image video not found

it’s been a hard year for us humans.

mostly self-inflicted wounds upon each other – but still, a hard year all around. the crimes (whether violent, emotional or otherwise) seemingly increase and get worse and worse each day.

it’s like with the popularity of social media, and immediate access to sharing these atrocities – people are trying to one up each other with just how bad it can all get. like just when you think shooting up an elementary school is bad, a shooting in a church happens. when you think shooting unarmed citizens is bad and it’s captured on video – live murders happen.

on Wednesday, Bryce Williams took the life of two of his colleagues, Alison Parker and Adam Ward, while they were live on the air. he filmed the whole thing, posted it to facebook and twitter.

that was horrific enough.

even worse? that people shared it.

it is very easy to accidentally view a video on social networks (autoplay is the devil). but there is no accidental sharing. more importantly – there is no reason for sharing it.

when it seemed like everyday there was a new case of police violence against black people, there was this push to share the images widely. from pictures of Mike Brown’s body lying on the hot August asphalt to Walter Scott to Sandra Bland to the too-many-to-remember – images (both still and moving) of dead people were inescapable. one of the websites i respect the most (and can honestly give some credit for me being the blogger i am today) wrote about how it’s important to watch these videos.

i vehemently disagreed then, and the skin colour of the victims doesn’t change my view-point now. we have literally become robots, with our humanity slowly seeping from our souls. slightly hyperbolic yes – but it’s the only way to describe the idea that watching people die – not in tv and movies BUT REAL LIFE PEOPLE WITH PARENTS WHO ARE GRIEVING being killed. this shit isn’t Dexter or CSI.

darren wilson, called Mike Brown an ‘it’ in his post-get-out-of-jail-free interview on national television.

an. it.

like Mike wasn’t a human being with a heart, brain and red blood coursing through veins. like he wasn’t a person with hopes and dreams. lions are eulogized with more humanness than that.

nothing about seeing or sharing these videos or pictures will make me better. it won’t help me sleep at night. it won’t put my mind to rest. all it will do is make me question why i brought a human into this type of world. make me feel guilty about him inheriting a planet where we can still do the worst to each other – based solely on skin colour, or sexuality, or religion, or…

watching people die isn’t making us better people. it’s making us worse.

so please, for the love of humanity – stop. there’s only so much of it left, and by the looks of it – we need to muster up as much as we possibly can these days.


what’s your word? have you seen the video? did you share it? why? do you think there’s double standard with how images are shared/removed from the internet?




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