on any given day on the twitters, you’ll see this basketball (or i guess hockey and soccer) reference. encouraging people to shoot their shot. this is not people being cheerleaders, but is an encouragement to pursue the man/woman they are crushing on or find attractive.
the theory is trying to follow that old adage: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. that you can’t get the job, if you don’t apply. etc… usually the people giving this advice are the fellas, who have thrown up half-court shots their entire lives. they have perfected the lead-in, have it down to a science in figuring out the odds and all the other parameters for a successful shot.
women, on the other hand are terrible “shooters”. there are several reasons for this.
as i mentioned earlier, men have been working on their shot their entire lives. they are usually encouraged to do so from an early age (“sowing wild oats”). manhood is inextricably linked to how many women they successfully approach, so they play the numbers game to their advantage. the more you approach, the more likely for an actual yes. after all, all you need is 1 yes (we won’t mention those that want more than 1).
women on the other hand are socialized to sit and wait. we wait to be asked out. to be asked to go to the prom. to get married. assertive or aggressive women are frowned upon and usually labelled with the fast/easy brush. all the cases of women proposing to men are usually (and equally from both sexes) clowned. it is seen as the emasculation of men and taking gender roles and flipping them on their head. feminism is blamed for everything that is wrong with men-women relations.
put it this way – a person that wants to pursue acting or singing as a career, spends it going to auditions. they hone their craft and try to figure out ways to maximize their chances for a yes – but they also have figured out how to emotionally and mentally get past the rejections. you can’t wallow in the one that got away – you’ll miss out on your future potential blessings.
this is not to say rejections from women don’t hurt men’s feelings – some of them might depending on the emotional attachment of course, but they’ve learned not to get embarrassed if that shot is an airball.
us on the other hand? we are chickens because we don’t have the practice. we also are very good at creating scenarios in our heads for why we should a) not approach in the first place or b) why he’s going to reject us (before it even happens) or c) did reject us (if we YOLO’d).
for me, if i see a dude that i find attractive, the last thing i’m doing is flirting with him (this is in real life, im a lot bolder in written form cuz.. #writer). why? because i assume that if i find him attractive – he’s already attached. so why bother right? (never mind that he could be single and i should probably find out.). i never said it was logical ok? #dontjudgeme.
the handful of times (and literally it’s been a handful) that i’ve approached a guy in real life (we’ll get to online dating in a second) – it didn’t end well. by end well, meaning me with his number, him with mine and a happily ever first date. what i’ve learned over the years by being a people watcher, is that it really is an animal kingdom out there. i believe that men can smell the aijustwannagetmarried on a woman. they can also smell the confidence level.
but what they can’t do is detect hints. women usually go the route of dropping what we believe to be are forthcoming in-their-face hints about our interest. we’ll find a way to be in your space, we’ll attempt to find a way to incorporate touch, we’ll have friendly-flirty banter but rarely overt and inappropriate (for we don’t want to be put into the ‘sex-only box that we can’t get out of.) that’s how women tend to shoot their shots.
and it fails 9/10. lol. we just aren’t communicating in the way that men receive messages. think of all the mens mags – there’s nothing covert or subtle about it. all marketing for mens products is clear, concise and in-your-face. and it works.
like most, i will take more chances online. but ironically – i still end up with the same results. i found that most of the men i approached on a site like plenty of fish – rarely, if ever, got any replies. that was one of the reasons why i liked tinder when it first came out. you couldn’t communicate unless it was a mutual attraction. so no worrying if he came to your profile and read your message and thought you were fat or ugly – at the very least, the person who was aesthetically pleasing to you, this was also the case in reverse.
in the end – what’s a girl to do? we, as women aren’t going to change our style of play overnight. and frankly without seeing that it would be well-received, there’s no incentive to doing so either.
but like the old sayings at the top of this post said – you DO miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. so what if you shoot and miss? all you need is one.
what’s your word? ladies – do you approach the fellas? what’s your usual style? has it worked for you? fellas – do you like when women approach you? how do you turn her down? how do you handle rejection? sound off in the comments!